The Art of Family Dinners

Making Time to Connect With Your Children

By Jenny Rackley

Family dinners are coming back into style. At least, that's what a recent New York Times/CBS News survey reported.

Surveyors asked parents: How many of the last seven nights did you eat dinner together with your family? A full 46 percent said seven nights, and every family ate together an average of five times a week. A previous survey done in 1979 indicated that the average American family ate together only three nights a week.

Families today are pulled in many different directions. Kids may enjoy extracurricular activities or being with friends. Parents may work outside the home, sometimes long hours. Schedules for all family members may be varied and hard to coordinate. Because of this, while some families eat together daily, some share a meal only on weekends or special holidays.

Yet for those who decide to make a shared repast a priority, family dinners can provide a valuable time for teaching. They can give everyone a chance to unwind, relax and talk together.

Think back to what you remember as a child if you ever ate dinners together as a family. I remember letting our dog eat the food I didn't like under the table. Kevin Mikkelson remembers, "I learned to eat fast so I could get seconds first!"

We seem to remember events or things we did, but forget the greater picture of what really occurred at the dinner table. When we ate together, our parents taught us many things. We learned to eat with utensils and with proper manners. We learned about nurturing, giving and receiving – to accept the food that was earned, prepared and brought to the table; to share that food and to share the work of preparation and cleaning up.

Our parents often talked about concerns they had or problems at work, and we learned from observation ways to handle or resolve difficulties. We shared what was important or troublesome, and at the dinner table there was usually an open ear for children. We also learned about the give and take involved in conversation and learned about respecting each other whether or not we agreed.

Even if one wants to eat together as a family, it can be difficult to coordinate schedules. "When I was a child, we not only ate dinner together, we ate breakfast together," says Amy Mikkelson. "Now I see the importance of dinners together, but it's not always practical. Our son, Daniel, often gets hungry about 5:30 or 6 p.m., and during the week, Kevin doesn't come home from work until about 7. We can't wait for him." The Mikkelsons say they eat together only on weekends.

The family dinner is not a panacea. Just eating together doesn't make a dysfunctional family environment functional. "I lived with my grandparents," says Shirley Clark. "I hated family dinners. My brother always competed for food just to annoy me. My grandmother never had a kind word for anyone. My mother would occasionally be home from work at dinnertime, and when she was, she was always critical of us."

Want to see more?

• Breaking Bread Together: The Importance of the Family Dinner Table
• Fast Food Frenzy: Making the Most of Drive-thru Dinners
• The Simple Joy of Christmas Dinner
• Talk about it!